Another Happy to Be Me Day

 What is amazing is that I realize this indisputable fact: I am in a very good place, and likely to not find a better one. My greatest joy, that my four children turned-out just fine, has given me a personal peace that few people ever get. I am thrilled just existing each day. To add a chunk of frosting on that, I do not have to work to provide for essentials, and a little bit more, nor do I feel badly about spending my time doing exactly what I want to do.

  Many people in my exact position, chronologically, and financially, would THINK or FEEL that they need MORE money for, well, more things. I am not, nor have ever been enamored of things, so I am content with what I have. I am fully aware of my mortality, causing me to not waste the time I "have left" pursuing false gods or foolish "bling." I know that, at least, some of my children feel that I have some sort of exalted destiny, but I think that I might be closer to the Buddhist "being" person than most people. 

  Yes, I would like to leave a great book  that STAYS IN PRINT when I die, but leaving a mediocre tome of dubious value does not fascinate me. I would very much like to look better than I do, lose some wrinkles and manage to adjust my overall figure somewhat, but, I know that I am not capable of doing that--so I am okay with what I have, and just try to do an hour or so of vigorous exercise about every day, while keeping good hygiene and a decent hair color. 

  And yes, I would like a sweetheart whom I could love and trust: not one I have to explain to others, one I have to tolerate or one I have to support. Just those three caveats seem to eliminate everyone I have met so far. I am learning why so many of my single friends say that they have learned to settle for friendships, as a relationship brings more bad than good, over time. It is beginning to make sense, for people of my age group who already have children. 

  So, I am enjoying each day, knowing that I don't know what the next will bring, and it, most likely, won't be any better than right now. And so, I will take my leisurely bath, then do some re-arranging of my home, maybe dig a hole or two in my front yard, and, generally, enjoy the 70 degree day. Later tonight, I will go to the gym, then to a store to get candle holders for my daughter's wedding, and then stop at Wal-mart on my way home to pick up a few things. 

  There is a loneliness aspect to this sort of life, but I still live with the belief that it will work out for the best. Maybe right now is the best, and if it is so, I am going to appreciate it. 

  After all, I really did already get my wish: this is all gravy, and very peaceful.