Maybe Next January

I didn't make it to nursing school, after all. A few things did not fall into place: they did not give me enough financial aid to cover the expenses of maintaining two residences, a few new medical tests were added at the last minute, and then my daughter's wedding on Feb 7 in Indianapolis kinda meant that I would be furiously driving or flying, starting the semester missing classes and clinical days, and I don't do chaos well.

Then, after deciding not to go to school, I suddenly got two new roommates: so, briefly, I felt kinda badly about the financial issue. However, then one of them decided that he was not happy living here with a cat in the downstairs room, so he is leaving. And, my young girl roommate gave me her notice that she is moving into an apt with her boyfriend on March 1. So, I had three roommates for just one month.

It's not as bad as it sounds, because the girl roommate will be vacating the master bedroom downstairs so I can live there, and renovate it. The guy who is leaving is very obnoxious, talks all of the time, and has filled the refrigerator with a lot of food--he likes to eat. The other roommate seems like a keeper: he works as a handyman at an extended-stay motel chain, so is a "fixer" person who is anxious to do yard work as well as housekeeping tasks in the house. He even has a pressure-washer at his work that he wants to use here to clean the pool screens and the driveway. So, even though I will just have one paying roommate, it could turn out to be a very good one.

I am watching A FEW GOOD MEN, my usual movie that I let play when I am in my room--no cable up here. I have to go to the library to get some more dvds to watch.

I am hoping to go to nursing school next January: there is a nurse with whom I can stay, and, I hope, I will have another roommate or two to cover the expenses here. Of course, ideally I will meet a wonderful fellow with whom to share a life with, but, at least I have a Plan B firmly in place.

In the meanwhile, I am working on writing a book about mid-life dating, focusing on internet dating, honing a stand-up routine with the same topic, and getting this house updated as much as my tiny income can handle. I am going to try to get a grunt job at the hospital just to get more comfortable in that setting, but I also do not want to spend the summer here. I have an interest in going to Ireland, staying a long while, and just doing the whole UK before I die. Otherwise, I still want to go to NY, or Maine, or Canada or anywhere but Florida in summertime.

I am recovering from my daughter's wedding which was very stressful for me: for some reason, nothing I did was right, and I felt just awful the whole time. She had asked me to NOT bring a date, so I found myself to be the only single person in every circumstance. This might work for some people, but I have had some guy to lean on in every situation since I was five years old. My hotel was downtown but everyone else stayed at the same hotel in the suburbs, so they were all bumping into each other at breakfast and so forth. I had made my truck available for people to be ferried back and forth between airports and hotels and gatherings, and when it was time for me to leave, the steering had gone out, so I had to take it to a garage for a four-hour repair before I drove back home.

At the last minute I was asked to write a poem for the wedding, which I did: I brought 30 candle holders and candles in my truck, which I set up before the wedding, and spent a lot of time around my daughter and the bridesmaids, feeling left out, just like at my hotel. Every suggestion I gave was not good, and the shrug I bought to wear over my dress was not acceptable, so I had to carry this black stole to put over me because "strapless" was not the uniform of the day. I spent most of the reception dancing with strangers and other people's escorts, husbands, and even with some women.

It was good to head home in my truck with the newly-repaired steering (375 dollars), stopping at my friend, Don's, house outside Pittsburgh, then my cousin Barbara's in Kentucky, and finally in Atlanta at my cousin, Dave's home. Dave had attended the wedding with his wife, but was in Ethiopia by the time I got to his house. Barbara and I had fun: I cooked dinner for us, and we chatted. She and my ex-sister-in-law both told me that I was very cordial at the wedding, and gave no indication that my heart was breaking. They said I was a "class act" and that helped, a little. 

My cousin in Kentucky has remodeled her little farmhouse into a seven-bedroom Farmhouse with a capital "F." It is just great, roomy: the upstairs has five guest bedrooms and a bathroom with a huge bathtub that I enjoyed so much. She has invited me to visit anytime, and we have already talked about me spending several weeks there during the summer. My aunt and uncle live with this cousin and her husband. It's a fun place with acres of growing things, a huge garden, a tractor, and barns. She even has a big patio with a firepot that we can sit by at night.

Now I am home, still very tired, but, I suppose, I will get a renewal of energy tomorrow. It is Valentine's Day, and my sweet sons set me flowers, and my baby daughter and her boyfriend sent me Godiva chocolate, so I won't feel completely blanked on Sweetheart's Day. I guess I will go to the library tomorrow for more dvds to watch, and then get some blueberries, eggs, and fish which is on sale at Albertson's.